Movie Quotes for King Of Comedy, The

[last lines]
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the man weve all been
  waiting for... and waiting for. [chuckles] Would you welcome home
  please televisions brightest new star. The legendary,
  inspirational, the one and only king of comedy. Ladies and
  gentlemen, Rupert Pupkin!
[audience applauds and cheers]
Announcer: Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen! Lets hear it for
  Rupert Pupkin!
[audience continues cheering]
Announcer: Wonderful! Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen!
[audience continues cheering]
Announcer: Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen! Lets hear it for
  Rupert Pupkin! Wonderful! Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen!

Rupert Pupkin: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Let me introduce
  myself. My name is Rupert Pupkin. I was born in Clifton, New
  Jersey... which was not at that time a federal offense. Is there
  anyone here from Clifton? Oh, good. We can all relax now. Id like
  to begin by saying... my parents were too poor to afford me a
  childhood. But the fact is that... no one is allowed to be too poor
  in Clifton. Once you fall below a certain level... they exile you
  to Passaic. My parents did put the first two down payments on my
  childhood. Dont get me wrong, but they did also return me to the
  hospital as defective. But, like everyone else I grew up in large
  part thanks to my mother. If she were only here today... Id say,
  "Hey, ma, what are you doing here? Youve been dead for nine
  years!" But seriously, you shouldve seen my mother. She was
  wonderful. Blonde, beautiful, intelligent, alcoholic. We used to
  drink milk together after school. Mine was homogenized. Hers was
  loaded. Once they picked her up for speeding. They clocked her
  doing 55. All right, but in our garage? And when they tested her...
  they found out that her alcohol had 2% blood. Ah, but we used to
  joke together, mom and me... until the tears would stroll down her
  face... and she would throw up! Yeah, and who would clean it up?
  Not dad. He was too busy down at OGradys... throwing up on his
  own. Yeah. In fact, until I was 13 I thought throwing up was a sign
  of maturity. While the other kids were off in the woods sneaking
  cigarettes... I was hiding behind the house with my fingers down my
  throat. The only problem was I never got anywhere... until one day
  my father caught me. Just as he was giving me a final kick in the
  stomach for luck... I managed to heave all over his new shoes!
  "Thats it", I thought. "Ive made it. Im finally a man!" But as
  it turned out, I was wrong. That was the only attention my father
  ever gave me. Yeah, he was usually too busy out in the park playing
  ball with my sister Rose. But today, I must say thanks to those
  many hours of practice my sister Rose has grown into a fine man.
  Me, I wasnt especially interested in athletics. The only exercise
  I ever got was when the other kids picked on me. Yeah, they used to
  beat me up once a week... usually Tuesday. And after a while the
  school worked it into the curriculum. And if you knocked me out,
  you got extra credit. There was this one kid, poor kid... he was
  afraid of me. I used to tell him...”Hit me, hit me. Whats the
  matter with you? Dont you want to graduate?" Hey, I was the
  youngest kid in the history of the school to graduate in traction.
  But, you know, my only real interest right from the beginning, was
  show business. Even as a young man, I began at the very top
  collecting autographs. Now, a lot of you are probably wondering...
  why Jerry isnt with us tonight. Well, Ill tell you. The fact is
  hes tied up. Im the one who tied him. Well, I know you think Im
  joking... but, believe me, thats the only way... I could break
  into show business... by hijacking Jerry Langford. Right now, Jerry
  is strapped to a chair... somewhere in the middle of the city. Go
  ahead, laugh. Thank you. I appreciate it. But the fact is, Im
  here. Now, tomorrow youll know I wasnt kidding... and youll
  think I was crazy. But, look, I figure it this way. Better to be
  king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime. Thank you. Thank you.

Rupert Pupkin: [arguing with Masha] What about things that I did for
  you that no money can buy, no money can buy? What about the time I
  gave you my spot! You came over there, I gave you my spot! You
  stood there and I let you get right next to Jerry. I waited for 8
  hours for him and you went right next to him cause you were crying
  to me cause you wanted to get next to Jerry and you got next to
  him. And what about the time I gave you my last album of the Best
  of Jerry, what about that? It wasnt anybody else it was me and I
  didnt even ask you for money and I cant even pay my rent! What
  are talking about? I live in a hovel! And you live in a townhouse!
  I cant believe this girl!

Rupert Pupkin: I know, Jerry, that you are as human as the rest of
  us, if not more so.

Langfords Lawyer: What is the defense of kidnapping? How can you
  say, "I was crazy at the time"?

[first lines]
Ed Herlihy: And now, from New York, The Jerry Langford Show! With
  Jerrys guests Tony Randall, Richard Dreyfuss, Rodney Dangerfield,
  Dr. Joyce Brothers, Lou Brown and the orchestra, and little old me
  Ed Herlihy. And now say hello to Jerry!

Rupert Pupkin: Why not me? Why not? A guy can get anything he wants
  as long as he pays the price. Whats wrong with that? Stranger
  things have happened.

Rupert Pupkin: Im gonna work 50 times harder, and Im gonna be 50
  times more famous than you.
Jerry Langford: Then youre gonna have idiots like you plaguing your
  life!

Rupert Pupkin: Well Im sorry. I made a mistake.
Jerry Langford: So did Hitler.

Secretary: Is Mr. Langford expecting you?
Rupert Pupkin: Yes, I dont think he is.

Ruperts Mom: Rupert? What are you doing down there?
Rupert Pupkin: MOM!

Masha: Do you wanna be waiting here till next Shavuos?

Genie: If youre Als dad, and the King of Thieves, I just wanna know
  one thing.
Cassim: Yeah?
Genie: Will you be having the chicken or the sea bass?

Iago: Allow me to introduce...
[Cassim laughs]
Cassim: The King of Thieves.
[Genie shrieks, then calls on a walkie-talkie]
Genie: All units, we have a Code Red.

Crocodile: You, wanted to see me, Noah; is there some kind of, uh,
  problem?
Noah: Well, when you came aboard the ark without a lady crocodile, I
  was worried. But the Lord provided the answer. [he hands him two
  eggs] These are yours!
Crocodile: Uh, what do you mean, mine? I got no time for a family.
  Im gonna have too many responsibilities being King of the Beasts!
Noah: If you cant handle the burdens of fatherhood, why should we
  believe youd make a good king? Think it over, friend!
Crocodile: Ohh, what am I gonna do? I gotta get rid of these things
  fast!

Crocodile: Noah must have some kind of trouble or he wouldnt want me
  to come back. But Ill never do it because Im a loner. [sings] Im
  the king of the crocs/And I live on these rocks/Im as happy and
  strong/And I get along, heres why/I crave my own crag/I dont need
  a flag, not me/I dont need anyone/Im my own fun, you see/Im a
  loner who has everything Ill ever need to survive/Cause I get
  along just me, myself and I

Anna Owens: [Anna, thinking the king is a barbarian, is about to
  leave. The Kralahome has had her brought to his office at night to
  reason with her. She is outraged] How dare you treat me in this
  manner. I demand an explanation, and I warn you...
Kralahome: [Calmly] Be quiet, sir.
Anna Owens: ...that Im a British subject.
Kralahome: That is nor reason you are safe. I could have you killed
  if that would serve my purpose. Such things are simple here. [Walks
  across room] Sir, did you enjoy your triumph about your house?
  Because you shall now enjoy greater triumph. I have something to
  ask of you. Not demand, but ask. It is that you shall Stay in Siam.
  You may enjoy yourself if you like, sir
Anna Owens: No matter what you ask, I wouldnt do it.
Kralahome: If you do not stay in Siam, where will you go?
Anna Owens: I dont know.
Kralahome: Have you other place to put your life?
Anna Owens: What has that to do with you?
Kralahome: Have you, sir?
Anna Owens: Please stop calling me "sir"!
Kralahome: [emphatically] I call you sir so you will not be lowly
  like a woman, but you continue to talk like a woman, I no longer
  call you sir. You think now you are nothing here, but that could be
  different.
Anna Owens: How could it be, so long as the king can change his mind
  from one day to another?
Kralahome: The king is not ordinary man.
Anna Owens: Indeed he isnt.
Kralahome: He is lonely man.
Anna Owens: Lonely!
Kralahome: Mem, I have watched you. I think there is need here for
  you. I think you know what is truth about many things, and I know
  you have the courage to speak it. The king has no one near him like
  you. He has many wives, but they cannot help him. You can speak
  with him as a woman where they cannot. And he will listen to you,
  because he will know you do not seek something for yourself.
Anna Owens: Indeed, I wouldnt. Least of all the chance to revolve
  around him. He doesnt need help.
Kralahome: Mem, why you not see? Why? He is two men! One part of him
  is king, like his father was. Other part tries to be man of new
  world, scientific man who desires to learn all modern things to
  save his country. But greedy men of Europe are at our door. They
  say Siam is barbaric land, and so must be ruled by them. So king
  must learn all modern things now. He tries work too big for any
  man, with no one to help. His own people are his enemies. They do
  not want change. [thoughtfully] And sometimes inside himself is
  enemy that cannot change. Oh, mem, are you blind? Have you no eyes
  to see? He does not live coldly with mind as I do. But with heart.
  With heart, mem, as king must, and so is torn in two within
  himself. And to whom can he turn? Whom can he trust? He is very
  lonely man, and very strange man. Yet, for him, I would die.
Anna Owens: [after a long pause] Im... Im afraid I havent been
  very understanding.
Kralahome: Mem, I cannot promise that it will ever be easy for you.
  We have proverb here: "Go up by land, and you meet tiger. Go down
  by water, and you meet crocodile." But for you, it will be place to
  put your life.

Opening crawl: Although the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are few in
  number, they successfully guard a vast dominion of the British
  Empire. From the United States border to the Arctic ice pack and
  from the Atlantic to the Pacific, the red coat of the Mountie is
  the symbol of law and order and a promise that justice will
  prevail. To these gallant men, "King of the Royal Mounted" is
  respectfully dedicated.

Billy Mitchell: No matter what I say, it draws controversy. Its sort
  of like the abortion issue.

Police helicopter pilot: [after Steves cornered] Good run! Sharp
  through Sweeper, clean past Deadmans, a little sloppy through
  Grandstand, but I gotta tell you something, asshole. You are in
  violation of Section 148 of the Penal Code: Evading arrest. Section
  22349 of the Vehicle Code: Maximum speed limit. Section 22350:
  Basic speed law. Section 23109B: Exhibition of speed. [the pilot
  keeps reading violations, but Steve turns his car stereo up to
  drown it out]

Prince: Most people think Time is like a river, that flows swift and
  sure in one direction. They are wrong. Sit down and I will tell you
  a tale like none that you have ever heard. Know, first, that I am
  the son of Shahraman, a mighty King of Persia. On our way to Azad,
  we passed through India... Where the promise of Honor and Glory
  tempted us to our doom.

Jesus: [then, Jesus catches a chalice of wine, he pronounces the
  blessing, and he gives him to the disciples] Blessed you are you,
  oh Master, Our King of the Universe that gives us the wine, fruit
  of the Vineyard. Take, drink, therefore this is my blood that will
  be spilled by many for the pardon of the sins.

Jesus: [during the Last Supper, Jesus catches a bread pronounces the
  blessing, he breaks him and he gives him to the disciples] Blessed
  you are you, oh Master, Our King of the Universe that gives us the
  bread, fruit of the Earth. Take, eat, therefore this is my body
  that will be given by you, do this in my memory.

Charlie: In questions of science, the analysis of 1000 is not worth
  the humble reasoning of a single individual! Galileo.

The Chronicler: Spyro, you must understand, when she was taken by
  Gaul, she was poisoned and corrupted, made to do the Dark Masters
  bidding. Her entire life has been spent in shadow. She knows no
  other way. And when the Dark Master returns... she will concede. No
  one can resist the temptation... not even the strongest among us.
Spyro: I dont believe that.
The Chronicler: Spyro, let me tell you another story.
Sparx: Oooh, oooh, oooh! Can I pick the story this time?
The Chronicler: There was once a dragon, long ago, whose raw power
  was far greater than anyone had ever seen or... could imagine. At
  first, he mastered fire... which was odd because he was not a fire
  dragon. Then came ice and wind... and other abilities none not
  possible. Is this story sounding familiar?
Spyro: It was a purple dragon... like me.
The Chronicler: The first purple dragon... In the beginning, he was
  encouraged... and secrets of elemental mastery were passed onto him
  willingly by the elders. But his power... was limitless... it knew
  no boundary. He consumed... everything. When he would not stop, he
  was cast into exile. And from his new fortress within the mountain,
  he built an army... not of dragons, but of apes... and taught them
  to artificially harness the power of the gems... Our life force.
Spyro: Youre talking about the Dark Master...
The Chronicler: Yes. And in his dark seclusion, the sheer weight of
  his malice cracked the very foundation of the mountain, splitting
  the earth, creating a pit of despair... Where the lost souls of
  this world could reside.
Spyro: The Well of Souls!
The Chronicler: ...created by the very beast who now seeks to escape
  it.