Movie Quotes for Kaos

Maxwell Smart: I have obtained a snippet, at great risk to a bus boy
  in Balad.
[Men start speaking in Punjab on a recording which Max is
  translating]
Maxwell Smart: "Aftab, how is your coffee?"
Maxwell Smart: "Good, Dalip, its decaf. How is yours?"
Maxwell Smart: "It is good, also. How is your muffin?"
Maxwell Smart: Powerful stuff
The Chief: So "muffin", then, is a code word?
Maxwell Smart: No, it is comfort food... and quite frankly much more
  fattening than most people realize. Which begs the question... why
  would two hardened KAOS agents... risk the carbs?
Maxwell Smart: Because they are under a great deal of stress.
Agent 23: Hence the decaf.
Maxwell Smart: For Aftab yes. Dalip takes his full-strength. Why?
  Because he has been sleeping on the couch for three days... because
  he called his sister-in-law a "leathery hag".
Larabee: You know, people often say things in anger they dont really
  mean. Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore. Just words really,
  that shouldnt be used against you in a custody hearing.
Agent 91: Let it go, man, those kids dont even look like you.
The Chief: Can we put a pen in this, please... and go back to Maxs
  extraordinary detailed report?
Maxwell Smart: Thank you, Chief. All Im saying is... that until we
  understand that our enemies are also human beings... we will never
  defeat them. Yes, they are bad guys, but that is what they do, not
  who they are. Lets continue listening... and bear in mind that the
  next 100 pages can get a little bit dry.
Larabee: Come on.
[All sigh in boredom]

Underchief: We cant have a hostile dictator wandering around
  Washington, DC invisible. He might sell us to KAOS... or France.

Shtarker: Are you crazy? This is radioactive material! One wrong
  move, and its ka-frickin-boom!
Siegfried: This is KAOS. We dont "ka-frickin-boom" here.

Agent 66: Bad news, Chief. We intercepted a transmission and KAOS
  just contacted a well known assasin: the Turtle.
Zach Smart: The Turtle?
Chief Maxwell Smart: Ah, yes. The Turtle!
Zach Smart: Youve heard of him?
Chief Maxwell Smart: Of course. Vicious, cold blooded. No wait a
  minute, that was the Poodle. Run over about four years ago chasing
  a car.
Agent 66: Hes called the Turtle because hes very illusive. He only
  comes out to kill.
Zach Smart: How do you know so much about him?
Agent 66: I dated his brother Leo.

Zach Smart: Why would KAOS buy a record company and then kill the
  only artist?
Chief Maxwell Smart: After hearing his records, Im surprised that he
  lived as long as he did.
Agent 66: The bigger question is: what is KAOs doing in the music
  business?
Zach Smart: Im sorry, why is your question bigger than mine?

Agen 0: [disguised as cocktail waitress] So many different disguises,
  different identities, I dont know who I am.
Zach Smart: Did you find out whos working for KAOS?
Agen 0: Some days a man, some days a woman, half the time I forget
  where to shave.

New KAOS leader: Ladies and gentleman, thank you for flying in. We
  may have lost the cold war, but we will win the next one. The goal
  of the new KAOS: total world economic domination.

the Kaos Chairwoman: [on phone] How are things proceeding, Brain?
the Brain: [on celular phone] I have entered phase six of the
  operation.
the Kaos Chairwoman: Phase six? I understood there were only two
  phases.
the Brain: There were, but it wasnt complex enough for my abnormally
  large brain, so I added twelve new phases.

Chief Maxwell Smart: Who could be controlling her mind?
Zach Smart: The Brain.
Chief Maxwell Smart: Thats a given, son.
Zach Smart: No, the KAOS scientist the Brain.
Chief Maxwell Smart: Ah, the Brain, of course, we should should try
  and steal him. Just think what we could do if we only had a Brain.

Agent 66: The Brain. Why cant KAOS ever hire people called The
  Stud or The Billionaire

Agent 66: [to KAOS captor] If I could get my hands out of this cheap
  KAOS cement, Id wrap those gold chains around your throat and use
  you for a yo-yo.

Agent 66: KAOS always did have a better healthcare than us.
Zach Smart: Yeah, thats for sure. Its ridiculous having to wait two
  months for minor surgery.
Agent 66: [flicks out a pocketknife] Say the word and Ill have that
  bullet out of your butt in three seconds.
Zach Smart: Or next time, you could just watch where youre shooting.

Chief Maxwell Smart: When youve dealt KAOS as long as I have, you
  know that its the old sniper in the catwalk trick or the old
  gunman in the crate [waves gun towards crate, it accidentally
  fires]... sometimes both.

Chief Maxwell Smart: How is Shtarker?
Siegfried: Very well. He has this small shoe repair kiosk in the
  Heidelberg train station. He married a lovely Chinese girl -
  enough. We are former KAOS, we dont reminisce here!

Agent 99: Max, was that man from KAOS?
Maxwell Smart: How did you know, 99?
Agent 99: Remember Gruvnik?
Maxwell Smart: Of course, Gruvnik the Spoiler!
Agent 99: Right. In 1969 he was traded by KAOS to THRUSH for a rookie
  killer and two minor-league muggers. That man was Beademeyer, one
  of the muggers.
Maxwell Smart: Of course, I shouldve remembered his clammy hands.

Maxwell Smart: [Max holds up Tolstoys War and Peace to block a KAOS
  agent with a knife] Nobody gets through War and Peace!

Conrad Siegfried: Shtarker, this is KAOS. We dont Yippie-yo-ka-yah
  here.
Shtarker: Forgive me, I know we dont Yippie-yo-ka-yah here.
Conrad Siegfried: Occasionally a strained Yahoo is alright.

Cmdr. Drury: Now Smart, remember, KAOS will do everything in its
  power to try to stop you. Youll be in imminent danger and constant
  jeopardy, facing death at every turn.
Maxwell Smart: And... loving it!

Conrad Siegfried: I am two years away from retiring and out of
  nowhere, KAOS is taken over by a corporate raider, a crazy man. Oh,
  the pressure, you have no idea what the pressure is like. Ive got
  headaches, high blood pressure, insomnia, Im a capitalist
  casualty, a merger victim!

Sauvage: Maxwell Smart is a fool and a bumbler.
Nino Salvatori Sebastiani: So how do you explain how this bumbler has
  been able to thwart KAOS constanly in the past?
Sauvage: Hes a lucky bumbler.

Maxwell Smart: I advise you to drop your guns an put up your hands.
KAOS #1: Why?
Maxwell Smart: Because at this very minute, my friend, this chalet is
  being completely surrounded by 500 alpine crack troops.
KAOS #1: I find that hard to believe.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 150 Tirolian ski-troops?
KAOS #2: No we wouldnt.
Maxwell Smart: How about 2 Saint Bernards in heat?

President: [on hotline in limo] Now you realize, Mr. Smart, that once
  KAOS learns your mission, theyll stop at nothing. Youll be in
  imminent danger, constant jeopardy, facing death at every turn.
Maxwell Smart: [on other line in Control Cab] And... loving it.

Victor Borgia: My name is Borgia.
Maxwell Smart: Borgia! Of course! Youre the man who poisoned 23
  people and a pair of parakeets.
Victor Borgia: No Mr. Smart.
Maxwell Smart: 23 parakeets and a pair of people?
Victor Borgia: I am Borgia of KAOS.
Maxwell Smart: Ok, Ill accept that, but dont expect to have a drink
  with my bird.

Upper Gemini: Dont take another step. We are KAOS agents Gemini.
Maxwell Smart: What do you want?
Upper Gemini: Information. Tell us what we wanna know, or you die.
Maxwell Smart: Youre wasting your time. Besides, do you know who
  this man is? This is Gino Columbus, the new owner of the United
  States.
Upper Gemini: Thats what we wanted to know.

Maxwell Smart: Simon the likeable. Whos he?
Chief: Hes KAOS most irresistible agent. A man so unassuming, so
  modest, so sweet and warm that you take one look at him, and you
  like him.