Movie Quotes for Family+Sex+ru

Lois Griffin: It seems today, that all you see, is violence in
  movies, and sex on tv.
Peter Griffin: But where are those old fashioned values, on which we
  used to rely.
Lois Griffin: Lucky theres a family guy.
Peter Griffin: Lucky theres a man who, positively can do, all the
  things that make us.
Stewie Griffin: Laugh and cry.

Charlotte Cartwright: My family has been known to prey on the weak.

Samantha Jones: You see? This is how it starts. Next thing you know,
  were only having sex three or four times a week.

Captain James T. Quirk: Thirteen minutes left - thats just enough
  time for a sex scene!

Dr. Sperm: The men from the planet Horny must have their prostate
  examined monthly due to the long periods of time in which we must
  go between sexual gratifications.
Nurse Chapstick: I think its romantic that the men from Horny save
  themselves for the right woman. [sigh]
Dr. Sperm: It takes a great deal of discipline, Nurse. You see
  theres a tendency for our sperm to... back up. So every month I
  must go to Dr. McJoy and have him massage and excrete excess sperm
  from my glands...
Bones McJoy: Sperm, you pointed-earred green sperm freak! Were eight
  minutes into this video and we dont even have a sex scene yet.
  Ive got a naked babe on my table with her feet in the stirrups,
  and youre talking about me massaging your prostate gland. You
  know, youre killing me!

Crewman Bubbles: Alright, its true. I had sex in the transporter,
  but how did you know?
Dr. Sperm: The transporter beam was set on both long-range as well as
  short-range, which means that you and the captain managed to
  materialize on the bridge as well as every room on this ship.
Bones McJoy: As well as every dirty movie channel available on
  satellite TV. We all witnessed your carnal act, Crewman.
Crewman Bubbles: Oh. Well how was it?
Bones McJoy: Im a doctor, dammit, not a porn critic.

[Jerkoff and Crew Woman begin to have sex on the bridge]
Lt. Uwhora: Mr. Squat, should we stop them?
Squatty: Not for twelve and a half minutes, lassie, the length of the
  average adult movie sex scene. Come on, Ill buy you a soda.

Bones McJoy: Now that we have you back, Jim, whats the plan?
Capt. James T. Quirk: Plan is to have another sex scene before those
  blue pills you gave me wear off... wrap this parody up... so I can
  take another nap.

Louis Theroux: [attending a picket with the church at a funeral] I
  mean, Ive only been out here 25 minutes or so, but so far the
  reaction has been, Id say, a 100% negative. Would you agree?
Bekah Phelps-Roper: Uh huh. Yeah, I would agree.
Louis Theroux: Do you think maybe theres another way of delivering
  the message, maybe like a letter of consolation to the family of
  the soldier?
Bekah Phelps-Roper: Oh, we send letters all the time, but not
  consolations. [dictating] "You anger the Lord, your God and now
  hes cursed your family." Theres no consolation there. Theyre not
  going to have any consolation.

Capt. James T. Quirk: [possessed by Charly] You look like a woman
  whos had a lot of sex in her lifetime.
Crew Woman: Uh, yeah. I had sex for Vivid yesterday, and the day
  before that for Wicked, and the day before that for Sin City.

Dr. Sperm: [examining Quirk in sickbay] It appears that the entity
  has left his body, Doctor. Fascinating. He no longer has breasts
  and... and his penis appears to be returning.
Bones McJoy: And making as much forward progress as a commuter on the
  101 freeway during rush hour. I need a stimulant. Nurse, get me
  those blue pills that Ive been keeping for emergencies.
Dr. Sperm: Blue pills, Doctor? Emergencies?
Bones McJoy: Spermy, weve been doing these Sex Trek parodies for the
  last fifteen years. Considering the average age of every male cast
  member, Id say this is an emergency.

Marta: Sex is sex. Its part of our everyday life. Its something...
  natural.

Ruby: Take me outside, I want to see my family.

Mable Madea Simmons: Aunt Rubys 96 years old, she needs to see her
  family.

Myrtle: Family reunions are about uniting the family, bringing
  together the young and old. Singing and dancing and thanking God,
  giving him the glory. Thanking him for getting us over. As we
  marched up the road this afternoon, what we saw were young men
  gambling, fighting, cussing. Women with no clothes on gyrating all
  over on this land. Do you see this shack. The man and woman we were
  born here gave birth to this generation. They were slaves. They
  worked this ground, but they bought it from the widow of the slave
  owner and thats the kind of blood we have running though our
  veins. Thats the stock we are made of. What happened to us. What
  happened to us. Who are you. Do you know who you are. What happened
  to the pride and the dignity and the love and respect that we had
  for one another. Where did it go. And how, How do we get it back.
  Ima tell you. Young Black men, take your place. We need you. Your
  sons and daughters need you. Did you understand what I just said.
  You were sold off and had no choice, yes but now its time to stay.
  Take your place. Now. Starting now. Starting now. Young black
  women, you are more than your thighs and your hips. You are
  beautiful, strong, powerful. I want more from you. Take your place.
  I want every single one of you, young man, young woman, turn to the
  next person standing alongside of you. Grab them and hug them and
  tell them that you love em. Tell them, If you need anything, come
  to me. If you need somebody to talk to, come to me. Ill give
  you the shoulder, Ill give you the hug. Ill feed you, Ill clothe
  you if you need it. Thats how you start from this moment. When you
  leave this reunion today, you take that with you.

Stewie Griffin: [Stewie and Stu visit his family in the future. Lois
  greets them at the front door] Shes still ALIVE? What the hell,
  man?

Kelly Stone: We will try to welcome her back in, like a *civilized*
  family might.

Patrick Thomas: [the family is playing Charades and Thad is up. No
  one is guessing right, but Patrick finally gets it] Ooh! "Billy
  Dont Be a Hero"!
Thad Stone: Yes! THANK you!
Amy Stone: Thats a song?
Susannah Stone: Yes, its a song. Youve heard it.
Ben Stone: Whose clue was that? Its not very... its not good.
Meredith Morton: Ahem.

Theodore Stephanides: Who was it who said, "If you can control your
  family, youve gone terribly wrong somewhere"?
Mother: Aristotle?
Theodore Stephanides: No.
Mother: Was it me?
Theodore Stephanides: Yes.

Stew Griffin: [after having sex with Fran] Um... thats never
  happened before.
Fran: Which part? The eight seconds of sex or the 45 minutes of
  crying?
Stew Griffin: Uh, I guess both.
[pause]
Stew Griffin: Do I give you money now?
Fran: Yeah, Im gonna go.

Wilfred Brimley: Hi, Im Wilfred Brimley, and I have diabetes. It
  hurts me to pee, and it causes me to be short with my family. I
  cant sleep at night. The other day, I stubbed my toe and took it
  out on the dog. And two weeks ago, I ran out of vanilla ice cream
  and struck my wife. Then I find out my wifes been dead for six
  years. Who the hell did I hit?

Stewie Griffin: [Stew is about to have sex with Fran] Yes now go! Put
  your [reading from book] penis in her vagina

Peter Griffin: [Hosting Family Feud] How are you Betsy, welcome to
  the show you are a lovely young woman, [kisses her cheek] and Ill
  just get my hand up there and feel that one and that one [squeezes
  her breasts, she looks at him horrifically] and were looking for
  something you shop for at the mall, three seconds.

Peter Griffin: We all know that no women anywhere wants to have sex
  with anyone and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is just
  bogus.
Lois Griffin: Ah, he is so right on. Women are such teases. Thats
  why I went back to men.

Brian Griffin: [Quagmire is planning a cross-country sex trip and has
  put up a sign on the side of his Winebego] Hey Quagmire, isnt
  there an "o" in "country"?