Movie Quotes for Accepted

Abernathy: [raises hand straight up in air and jumps around] When I
  got accepted here, it was the first time my parents ever said they
  were proud of me! [everyone claps, whistles and cheers]

Sherman Schrader: Ask me about my wiener!

Freaky Student: I want to learn how to blow shit up with my mind.

Bartleby Gaines: Whyd you get fired?
Glen: I got fired for making a shrimp slushy.
Bartleby Gaines: Thats disgusting! Why would you do that pal?
Glen: Cause I was hungry and thirsty!

Glen: Thats 74-million dollars.
Rory: Its a million dollars Glen.
Glen: Yeah... In human dollars.

Bartleby Gaines: Glen since when have you been working at the kwik
  and stop?
Glen: since I got boned HARD by every college I applied to
Bartleby Gaines: why what happened?
Glen: some political crap I got a zero on my SATs.
Sherman Schrader: you do know you get 600 points just for signing
  your name right?
Glen: ...aw DAMNIT!

Uncle Ben: [to Dean Van Horne] Why dont you take your PhD and stick
  it up your A-S-S!

Sherman Schrader: [screams loudly and high-pitched]
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader what the hell?
Sherman Schrader: It would be really cool if you guys didnt tell
  anyone I scream like that...

Hoyt Ambrose: You want me to give you something funny to laugh about?
Bartleby Gaines: You mean funnier than your future alcohol abuse?

Freaky Student: I want to learn how to blow up shit with my mind.

Bartleby Gaines: Hey Shrad, do you know any places up near Harmon we
  can rent?
Sherman Schrader: Oh, yeah I do, actually. I carry around a list with
  me at all times of abandoned buildings for fake colleges.

Uncle Ben: Right or Left?
Glen: Right
Uncle Ben: Whose right?
Glen: Your call
Uncle Ben: Youre an idiot!
Glen: Your upset, go with what you feel. You got about twelve feet.
[Trailer hits a tree]
Glen: Perfect
Uncle Ben: Asshole.

Jack Gaines: [on the phone] Tell me what classes youre taking?
Bartleby Gaines: [on the phone] Classes? Right, Im taking
  statistics, and uhh business, and anatomy...
Jack Gaines, Diane Gaines: [on the phone] Anatomy?

[Dean Van Hornes BMW explodes as he walks toward it in Harmon
  College parking lot]
Bartleby Gaines: [cut to Bartleby Gaines and Freaky Student standing
  on hill on other side of parking lot] Whoa...
Freaky Student: I told ya.

Sherman Schrader: This place is awesome cause now I can finally get
  Hepatitis!

Glen: Battle Royale!

Jack Gaines: Listen, I took another look at that website, whats all
  this be-what-you-wanna-be-crap?
Bartleby Gaines: Oh no no, dad they just have to say stuff like that
  just to keep from being sued.
Jack Gaines: Yeah well it sounds like a bunch of crap to me.

Sherman Schrader: Right, you date Monica Morlan
Hoyt Ambrose: That I do
Sherman Schrader: Right, I think of her while I masturb...

Bartleby Gaines: What the hell happened?
Glen: An explosion of flavor. Im working with some very unstable
  herbs.

Rory: [drunk, shouting] College is for pussies!

Bartleby Gaines: Nah, Im not going to answer your question, cause
  you guys have already made up your minds. Im an expert in
  rejection, and I can see it on your faces. And its too bad that
  you judge us by the way we look and not by who we are. Just because
  you want us to be more like them when the truth is were not like
  them. And I am damn proud of that fact. I mean, Harmon College and
  their - and their 100 years of tradition. But tradition of what? Of
  hazing kids and humiliating anyone whos a bit different? Of
  putting so much pressure on kids they turn into these - these
  stress freaks and caffeine addicts.
Dean Van Horne: Your phony school demeans real colleges everywhere!
Bartleby Gaines: Why? Why cant we both exist? Huh? You can have your
  grades, and your rules and your structure and your ivory towers,
  and then well do things our way. Why do we have to conform to what
  you want?
Dean Van Horne: Your curriculum is a joke, and you, sir, are a
  criminal.
Bartleby Gaines: You know what? Youre a criminal. Cause you rob
  these kids of their creativity and their passion. Thats the real
  crime! Well, what about you parents? Did -did the system really
  work out for you? Did it teach you to follow your heart, or to just
  play it safe, roll over? What about you guys? Did you always want
  to be school administrators? Dr. Alexander, was that your dream? Or
  maybe no, maybe you wanted to be a poet. Maybe you wanted to be a
  magician or an artist. Maybe you just wanted to travel the world.
  Look, I - I - I - I lied to you. I lied to all of you, and Im
  sorry. Dad, especially to you. But out of that desperation,
  something happened that was so amazing. Life was full of
  possibilities. A - and isnt that what you ultimately want for us?
  As parents, I mean, is - is that, is possibilities. Well, we came
  here today to ask for your approval, and something just occurred to
  me. I dont give a shit. Who cares about your approval? We dont
  need your approval to tell us that what we did was real. Cause
  there are so few truths in this world, that when you see one, you
  just know it. And I know that it is a truth that real learning took
  place at South Harmon. Whether you like it or not, it did. Cause
  you dont need teachers or classrooms or - or fancy highbrow
  traditions or money to really learn. You just need people with a
  desire to better themselves, and we got that by the shit at South
  Harmon. So you can go ahead, sign your forms, reject us and shoot
  us down, and do whatever you gotta do. It doesnt really matter at
  this point. Because well never stop learning, and well never stop
  growing, and well never forget the ideals what were instilled in
  us at our place. Cause we are SHIT heads now, and well be SHIT
  heads forever and nothing you say can do or stamp can take that
  away from us! So go!

Diane Gaines: I knew we shouldve started preparing for college in
  junior high, like your sister.
Jack Gaines: Now shes got a shot.
Lizzie Gaines: Ive got a shot.
Diane Gaines: Shes got a shot.

Adam Herschman: [on his cell phone] No, you shut up. Im gonna grow
  up. And when I see you, I throw up. Okay mom?

Uncle Ben: Health insurance my ass! They dont pay for shit. You get
  sick on a Friday, they only pay from Monday through Thursday. You
  go to doctor A, they only pay for doctor B. You break your penis,
  they only fix vaginas!

Sherman Schrader: It was your idea to put "acceptance is just one
  click away"
Bartleby Gaines: Yeah put it as "one click away" but you dont make
  it clickable!